“What The Heck!”... That’s what I woke up saying on Monday morning.
Direct translation: What The Flip Am I Doing?
I have been saying ‘what the heck?’ since our office opened with a mad flurry. The unfortunate drivers contributing to my melancholy are:
1: I thought opening a business would create more capacity in my life for life…
2: It was my intention to manage my time better so I didn’t have to work executive hours
3: I hoped we would have the courage to turn down jobs so we could avoid the panic of normal business life
4: It was critical that we would have fun and change the world
One year down and, well, I don’t feel like I am doing a very good job managing this. Hence the question- what the heck?
It is blatantly obvious from reading these idealistic expectations that they themselves are a big source of my melancholy. Sure. I am happy to take that. But, here is what I am thinking – what goal was ever achieved that didn’t hold strongly onto some form of ideal? See, this idea that work should be fun, sustainable and meaningful is really, really central for us. It’s our why. Surely man was made to work in a natural rhythm and impact the world while doing that?
But how do we get there? How do we prioritize a work/life balance so that we have the capacity to enjoy all we do, especially as a start up? How do we avoid that black hole and gravitational pull of a flawed system? How do we beat the rat race?
How do you make something commercially viable but at the same time feed that internal desire for peace?
We’re building a business and that means we’re adding people. People cost money which means we have to make more money.
Is the principal of Tomfoolery more important than the business itself? Can the two co-exist sustainably? I am genuinely stumped.
What do you do when you say ‘what the heck?’ ?...Me, I pray. I ask God for peace and then do my best to hold on.
I like Abraham Lincoln words, ‘time is a great thickener of things.’ That mountain of a man genuinely took a beating (read Team of Rivals – AMAZING) and learnt how to fiercely hold on to an ideal and yet be ok with the mess in-between. I think that is probably a good solution. Just keep breathing.
In short, what I’ve learned is that we know where we are going but it is also noticeably unclear that we don’t know how to get there and, we’re learning to be ok with that. God knows and, strangely enough, I think I do too- we just need the time and experience to figure it out.
Happy grit. Don’t give up.